Lily’s New Strange World Today

So far going back to school this semester could be described as a landslide straight to hell. In the two weeks since classes have started again, I have missed all but two classes. I alternate between being unable to sleep and wanting to sleep all the time.  I have been self-medicating. Now, my form of self-medication may make some of you laugh. I picked up a pack of smokes. I do not smoke heavily. My average is a pack a week. I have been drinking. It has taken me four hours to drink one of those Bacardi Mojitos. So, not exactly a bender but considering that I usually average one drink every four months, I’m pretty well tying one on lately with a drink every couple of days. The amount is not quite as important as the reason. I am really, really, really at loose ends. I feel like I’m out in a category 5 hurricane in a rowboat and even my rain slicker is full of holes.

I am trying to get a counselor because my current mood and behavior are not exactly conducive to success. I have to complete this program, no matter how much it may not really be my cup of tea. One reason is needing to have a skill that will allow me to change jobs. My current job is a bit of an oddity. It would be very hard to find anything remotely similar that paid as well. I want to be able to find a job wherever I go, and nursing will allow me to do that. I’m not really into nursing, but then again, I haven’t exactly made a killing as a writer, so I need something to fall back on. At this point, that seems to be akin to falling onto a bed of nails. Or perhaps trusting the yahoos that told me that everything would be fine if I stepped into the iron maiden because there would be a guy holding it open so I wouldn’t actually get skewered.

For you young whippersnappers out there, I am a living example of why you need to explore and pursue things that interest you early in life. When you find something you love, go for it. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough or it isn’t practical. While learning a skill is all good and fine, what is really impractical is being in your middle years and hating what you’re doing. I am also a good example of why, if you have a psychiatric illness, you should find a counselor and doctor you trust. Don’t settle for someone who treats you like a specimen or a lesser being. But you need someone. Going it alone is…well…rather like being on a rowboat in a category 5 hurricane, wearing a slicker that’s full of holes.

This product may not have much to do with the subject, but I love it! Instead of giving the person who has everything yet another thing, plant a tree in their honor. Kewl!

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