Lily’s New Strange World Today

Well, I really screwed up. I often have trouble sleeping at night (I usually work nights, so that might have something to do with it) and last night was the worst ever. I had to take my son to stay in a hotel at the airport because he had an early flight to go visit his dad for a week or two before coming back here to look into getting a job and starting school. I was kind of worked up as it was and no matter what I did, I couldn’t relax. I did not end up falling asleep until 2:30 in the morning and had to be up by 5 at the absolute latest. The alarm went off, but in a stupor I kept hitting snooze. Eventually I just shut it off. I remember doing it but I wasn’t making sense at the time. This is the sort of thing that tends to happen to me when I try to do day shift stuff.

To make a long story short…

OH SHIT!

Ended up waking at 8:30 A.M.

Clincials start at 6:30.

It is my understanding that if you miss even one clinical you can’t continue and have to start over next semester. I have already left messages for the instructor and both program directors to find out if this is true. If it is, I would like to withdraw pronto so I don’t get a bad grade, and I would like to go ahead and finish the skills class–actually doing good in it instead of the half assed job I’ve been doing. This is what I wanted to do in the first place because I know myself and know how to pace myself. But I doubted they’d be amenable.

On the mental side, what I really feel is relief. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from me, at least for now, even though I know there are problems that will be caused by this situation.

Physically, I know I’ve been under massive stress. Even though my T3 and T4 (thyroid hormone) levels are actually normal, my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone, from the pituitary) is higher than usual. It is normally a bit high at a 7. Currently it’s an 11. Not an emergency, but still bears watching.

I have always had trouble with oversleeping in the morning. Hence, the reason that I work nights. I understand that they do not have night shift clinicals. But it would sure be nice if they had afternoon ones. The hospital won’t do it, though.

Nothing to do at this point but wait and see what happens. I would not worry about it on a personal level but my family is going to go ballistic. This is something that is very important to them. Myself, I want out anyway.

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