Blooming Psycho’s New Strange World Today

Road crews work to clear a stretch of I-70 in the Colorado mountains following a mudslide

I have a few different kinds of stress dreams. There are tornado dreams, where tornadoes follow me from town to town. They never actually hit the house I go into for shelter, but they come close.

There are nuke dreams, which usually involve a nearby city being nuked, with a lot of destruction but no death. There is always a prevailing feeling that the nuclear attack is somehow all my fault, even though the trigger is usually something stupid and minor.

Then there are the I-70 dreams.

I-70 runs through certain mountainous areas of Colorado.  It can be a precarious road. I’ve never really liked driving it. So I suppose it is fitting that it becomes a metaphor for feeling that my life is out of control.

In the I-70 dreams, I am either in the mountain part coming down the pass heading towards Denver. My brakes are soft and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stop as I continue my descent. Or I am in Commerce City, standing beneath one of the underpasses on one of the streets that passes under I-70. My car is parked off to the side and there is a strong feeling of foreboding. Lately, the dreams have taken on a new look. I am standing above the I-70 corridor leading into the mountains, probably somewhere near Idaho Springs. I am on an unstable land bridge and I am physically towing a vehicle. Yes, me, just me, pulling a vehicle behind me. The last time it was one of my cars. This time it was a bus. I was thinking that the bus was going to crush the dirt bridge under its weight. There is also a strong feeling that I have no choice but to try to get the bus onto I-70 so I can keep going.

The feeling in this card is well illustrated by the Ten of Wands card.  It is a feeling of being overburdened by responsibilities and a sense of hopelessness. Which is just how it is, and there seems to be no signs of it letting up.

So you know what I did–just for the fuck of it, mind?

I did a spell, without caring about getting quick results or anything else. I did it just because I wanted to and because sometimes really cool stuff has happened down the line when I do spells. I don’t know if its because it opens my mind to things that I might otherwise miss, or if because it sets the forces of the Universe in motion to help make my wish come true, or both. Who the fuck cares? It helps.

The spell I did was the success in the arts spell from the Tarot Spells book by Janina Renee. Again, I suggest finding this book through Better World Books, because I am very much in favor of their donations to literacy programs. Plus, you can’t beat the shipping prices!

I have allowed myself to be cowed by other people’s opinions too damn long. Who gives a shit if one can prove scientifically that spells work or whether or not there are spirits, human or otherwise. No, there is no current way to prove any of these things scientifically, but once the idea of people going to the moon was also scoffed at. A true scientist keeps their mind open to all possibilities.

So–here’s to thinking scientifically, imaginatively, and mystically. The holistic approach is the best. And if I adhere to this pattern of thinking, maybe my Rocky Mountain High, tornado, and nuke dreams will become fewer.

I was going through one of my turns where I began thinking that writing under a pen name was a chicken shit way to fly, and that if I were really committed to what I say, I would reveal my real name bold as brass. Like an uber dumbshit, I allowed this mental masturbation of mine to go on public display on my Facebook page. This created two dissenting camps among my friends. In a slight exaggeration, there was the group that believes that anyone who writes under a name other than their own is a chicken shit and a fucking liar, and the group that believes that anyone who writes online using their real name is a muck-headed moron. As I said, this is something of an exaggeration. But it gives you the idea. A fight ensued between a couple of the parties, leaving me feeling stupid and sleazy for having mentally masturbated in a public forum.

I actually got over my need to clear my conscience about using a pen name pretty quickly and decided that remaining in the chicken shit camp was the better choice.  Part of my problem is having grown up Catholic. Every now and then I find a need to  go to confession and unburden my soul. The other factor is my own belief that honesty is the best policy. As life has gone on, however, I have learned that this motto must sometimes be tempered by a good reality check if one is to keep one’s comfort zone intact.

I used to be a firm believer in always being brazenly honest, no matter the consequence, and that no job was worth compromising my principles. But the truth comes down to this. While I do not like having to compromise my principles due in part to fear of losing my job over my online activities, this job is, in fact, worth keeping. It is the only job that I have ever had where calling in is rare. With most jobs, if I were going into a depressive phase, I would end up calling in because my performance would suffer badly. Then my job would end up being in danger. I can come to this job even during a severe depression and perform passably. That is worth more than people who do not have a mood disorder could possibly realize.

The heads of the facility I work for are a bunch of schmucks in suits, which is the case with most institutions of any kind. They do not have a sense of humor and are very concerned with “proper” company image. With my trash “mouth” and often bawdy humor, I am far from what they would consider to be presentation of the “proper” image for our fine institution. Fortunately I work at night so I don’t have to play the ass-kissing game too much, because I don’t play it well.

The image I present to most of the people I encounter in my work is basically good ole “Ma,” here to take care of the needs of the nice elderly folks in my charge. That is who I am at work. I don’t cuss, I don’t discuss religion or politics, I am friendly and efficient, and I make it a priority to respond ASAP in an emergency. I leave the fart jokes, the liberal politics, the love for a peculiar range of music, and the mystical beliefs at the door.

The organization I work for was founded by the Methodist church and they have a pretty big influence. I really don’t think my revelation of my Pagan leanings would set too well with them. They aren’t allowed to ask what anyone’s religious beliefs are, but if I were putting it out there for all to see under my own name…well, let’s just say, it might go over like a lead balloon.

Plus, although my direct supervisor and direct co-workers know about my psychiatric condition, the higher-ups do not. While companies are not allowed to fire someone for having a mental illness, the truth is, they tend to find other reasons for firing people that they deem unsuitable. Ugly, but true.

Were I engaging in online activities as Me Myself, making this sort of clear cut division between personal and professional life would no longer be possible. All of the above reasons weigh heavily on the side of preserving my ability to do this. However, the Catholic in me still feels the need to confess that yes, I do in fact write under a pen name. Several of them, even.

The other factor may be a little more difficult to understand. While for the most part I am a grouchy old curmudgeon who could give a fart in a category five hurricane what anyone thinks of me, at the core of my psyche is a badly wounded child who does not do well under attack, and the big bad adult needs to keep her safe. Because my real name is the one by which I have been identified for my entire life, this child personality responds to it. So if The Real Me is under attack, even a verbal attack, this part of my psyche is not tough, nor will it ever be tough, and it will wreak havoc on my entire psychic/psychological complex–and on my physical body as well.

I have explained to some people that while I have one presenting, functioning personality, and I do not “lose time,” my personality is not completely intact. I have a number of sub-personalities that have formed due to various traumas visited on me throughout my life. If the attack is severe enough, this child personality will cause serious trouble in attempting to destroy itself for being “bad.” There are quite a few scars on my arms from previous injuries that serve as testament to this.

This is also another very powerful reason to never get “romantically” involved with anyone again. Many of the worse wounds were due to having gotten involved with very bad people. While the adult me could see that getting away from these guys was actually good for me, the wounded inner child could only see that she was being rejected and thrown away–again. It wasn’t pretty.

So, for normal or even normal-ish people, the question of “do I stand firmly on my principles and boldly go online and publish my opinions of myself or do I protect myself by use of a pseudonym” is an academic question. For someone like me, the issue goes much deeper than that. Thus, other than my affiliate marketing work, I will continue using pseudonyms. For those who believe me a chicken shit for this, perhaps I am. But the pros of doing so outweigh the cons.

Besides, Lily Strange is a much cooler name than my real name happens to be.

Mayan Temple Priests ripped out their own hearts to avoid watching this heinous twaddle

My review for Blockbuster after watching this pile of crap:

I did not think it possible, but this movie has usurped the position of Q the Flying Serpent as the worst movie I have ever seen. The script was awful, the characters were flat, even the special effects were dull. All right, I get it, the movie was supposed to be a vehicle for promoting the beliefs of Fundamentalist Christians, but it was far more bad sermon than interesting Bible-oriented story. I feel like demanding the two bucks I paid to rent it back, as well as the hour and a half I spent watching it. Wrist-slittingly awful.

Honestly, I did not know till I got it home that this movie was Fundie propaganda. It looked like a cheesy sci-fi flick. Once I read the back thoroughly and realized it had a Museum of Creationism type slant, I thought that the special effects might make it fun anyway. But nooooo! The acting was as wooden as the crucifix used to open the “Mayan temple.” The special effects were a snooze. The script reminded me of a particularly dull Sunday sermon. And what the hell bullshit is this idea of “European Cuh-riss-chuns” bringing the “word of Gawd, say Halle-loo-ya” to the Mayans before Columbus and his pals ever got there? If there has ever been one single Christian symbol found in an ancient Mayan temple, I will eat my underwear after having worn it for a week.

I am honestly not trying to put down Christianity as a whole, but I cannot help but shake my head till it spins round 360 degrees at the utter bullshit that the people who made this film obviously believe. And if they want to try and convince other people to believe it, they need to make a film that isn’t 666 kinds of lame.

I want my two hours and my two bucks back!

Even Q the Winged Serpent gets one star. I rated this tripe half a star, and I think that was being generous.

May I say that one thing I have become intolerant of in this world (aside from pedophiles, rapists, and murderers) are people who think that only they are right. I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what the fuck is really going on, I only know what I have experienced and what makes sense to me. And the beliefs of any kind of true, trve, or troo believer tend to make no sense to me at all because they have shut their minds to all other possibilities besides that which they have chosen to believe. Of course those who believe that gay marriage is horrible, sinful and yucky confound the fuck out of me. Why is it so horrible/sinful/yucky? How is it a threat to heterosexual marriage. Are the big bad homos forcing you into a same sex marriage? No? Then shut the fuck up already.

I tend to try and tread lightly around other people’s beliefs, but I am in a shit mood and came close to offing myself this morning. Some of you may wish I’d succeeded. Well, I stuck around to piss you off. Because you’re that important and I care about you that much. Your opinion is gold and you shit rainbows. I think about you all the time.

Seriously. I do.

I am fucking sick to death of closed minded “troo believers.” Because I know I can never get rid of them, I can do the second best thing. I can bitch about them. I’m an expert at this.

Keep in mind, people–I am not going off on everybody who is a (fill in the blank.) Only on the ones whose minds are closed and constipated and who state that their subjective opinion is FACT, DAMN IT!!!! I can hang with someone whose belief system is very different from mine, who may be in fact convinced that their belief is the way it is, but who leaves the door open for the slight possibility that they could be wrong and who respects my right to believe what I do. Then we are all good. But the instant you start spouting about how evil/stupid everyone else is for believing differently than you do, then fuck off and die. Your mind is as constipated as the colon of someone who hasn’t taken a dump in their lifetime.

In alphabetical order, in the realm of spiritual beliefs, here are the TROO BELIEVERS that piss me off the most. I’m sure there are many that I haven’t met yet. The Irritating Pick of the Day is…

ATHEMENTALISTS

These are atheists who do not simply state that “I can’t believe in deities or spirits because I can’t see any solid evidence that either could exist.” Fine, I’m down with that because it is a sensible statement and if I had not had certain experiences in my life, I would be among this lot. No, rather than being open minded, or at least polite, the Athementalist will state that people who have any spiritual beliefs are STUPID AND BACKWARDS IN THEIR THINKING. The idea that there could be some kind of power/powers greater than ourselves is STUPID. The idea that living things do anything but live, die, and rot is STUPID. They cite the fact that when someone dies, there is no more brain activity. This is true. But this only indicates that there is no more electrical activity in the brain. The body has ceased to function. The body will rot (unless cremated.) True. Completely and undeniably true. But this does nothing to prove whether the personality has ceased to exist or departed and is hanging about somewhere else. We currently lack equipment that would be able to help prove this one way or the other.

I concede that the belief that the personality ceases on the death of the body may indeed be true and all experiences that I’ve had that would indicate otherwise only indicate that I am fucked in the head. However, there is also the possibility that something may be going on that we do not entirely understand. The only thing we know for sure is that we don’t know. People once scoffed at the possibility that we would one day land on the moon. Then again, there are those that believe this was an elaborate hoax as well. There are people whom it is just not worth arguing with. Myself, I like to keep an open mind. Certain things may be highly improbable, but I don’t like to label anything impossible. With our current level of knowledge there are things that can’t be proven at this time but they may be in the future. Or they may not. Who knows? I only know that I do not in fact consider it to be a very scientific attitude to slam your mind closed. A scientist is always open to possibilities.

I can only hope that maybe the athementalists will cease to exist when their bodies die. Then they’ll get to be right and I’ll get to not deal with them in the afterlife.

Again, it is not the atheist belief that deities/spirits seem impossible that bothers me. It is the arrogance and snottiness of the Athementalist that rubs me the wrong way. Science H. Logic! To believe anything but what they believe is STOOOOOPID! If you believe anything but what they believe, you are STOOOOOOPID!!!!!!! And do not forget, you are STOOOOOOOOOOPID!!!!!!

Their attitudes have a lot more in common with the attitudes of other Fundies than they would like to believe. After all, they are RIGHT and the other Fundies, and everybody else who doesn’t believe as they do are WRONG. And STOOOOOOPID!!!!!!

Next time we’ll pick on everyone’s favorite, the Fundie Cuh-riss-chun. As opposed to the peaceful follower of Christ, the Cuh-riss-chun believes in Gawd, Gutz, Gunz and Amerikkka, (as opposed to America) and their motto is Hate and Intolerance.  See you then!

Here are a few videos courtesy of the Religious “Right.”

According to Pam’s House Blend, Stephen Anderson’s website also calls for “taking down” more moderate preachers such as Billy Graham and Joel Osteen. Swell guy.

I believe this video sums up Anderson and his kind pretty well–although I think they’re being a little too kind.

Somehow I think the “heaven” of these hate preachers is a lot like a Nazi death camp, where they are the guards, meting out eternal punishment on everyone who does not believe their vile doctrine.
If this is Christianity, sign me up on the dotted line for the “other guy.”

The “Religious Right” is neither.

Jinx Dawson, the frontwoman of Coven, is an intelligent, delightful person. She is polite, well-spoken, and generous. She gave up performing for many years to take care of her ailing father. But Jinx has a problem. Her tendency to fly in the face of convention is unsettling to those who don’t want to think. You can check out Coven’s official merchandise site here and see for yourself what I mean about flying in the face of convention. Jinx states that her band’s work has been censored and oppressed for years.

This is a quote from her own facebook page:
Due to Decades of Banning and Censorship,The Coven is ONLY AVAILABLE 2 Places in the WORLD…
http://www.cafepress.com/jinxcoven
There are also a few items available on ebay.

Although I will freely state that I have found more acceptance among those folks who embrace the left-hand path than among most of those who call themselves Christians, the point of this essay is socio-political, not religious. I realize that there are those who would find the material presented by Coven offensive. However, I have seen many things that I find far more offensive which have not been oppressed. Coven is presenting controversial but non-violent ideas. My belief is that their freedom of expression should not in fact be censored.

It seems to me that the only ones that Coven are really offending are the religious right. Their freedom of artistic expression is being oppressed to appease one segment of the population whose members tend to hold powerful positions at all levels of government. These people want to oppress any thought that doesn’t fit their agenda. If you don’t believe me, you can read more about it.

An article by the ACLU on library censorship Here

Some dodgy behavior regarding censorship from right wing queen Sarah Palin can be found here

And why is Mein Kampf allowed to remain freely on the Brooklyn Public Library’s shelves while a 79-year-old book presenting outmoded attitudes about Africans is placed under lock and key in a back room? Both contain offensive material but are historically valuable. If we do not learn from history, we are doomed to repeat it.

Freedom of speech should be the right of all Americans, not only those Americans that the Right deems worthy thereof.

Think about it.

Did 90’s icon Lisa Lopes die young because she had fulfilled her destiny?

It seems that some people manage to fulfill their life’s mission very quickly. This is not the explanation for all youthful deaths, but perhaps not all early deaths are untimely. Perhaps certain people do what they came to do in a short amount of time.

Lisa Lopes, of the popular 90’s hip-hop group TLC, might be one of those people. Born May 27, 1971, Lisa’s childhood was turbulent. Her father was an alcoholic, and Lisa herself started drinking at a very young age.  She became her father’s “drinking buddy.” Her  troubled relationship with her father set the stage for chaotic relationships with men throughout her life. In 1994, she was arrested for accidentally setting fire to her boyfriend Andre Rison’s house when she attempted to burn his sneakers in the bathtub as payback for his infidelity.

Always outspoken, Lisa made a strong impression on people. With TLC, she showed young women that they could be both attractive and self-reliant. The group also made a point of spreading the message about safe sex practices. But where Lisa truly shone was with her work in the Honduras, where she started the Lisa Lopes Foundation to assist neglected and abandoned youth and to provide clothes for needy children. The group later built an orphanage, providing education, health programs, and shelter to children in need.

On April 6, 2002, a ten year old boy stepped out in front of the van driven by Lisa’s assistant.  The van struck him, and he later died of his injuries. Lisa paid for his medical care and funeral. The boy’s name was Bayron Isaul Fuentes Lopez. While Lopez is hardly an uncommon name, this is somewhat chilling considering the manner of Lisa’s death. Some might say it was in fact a portent of what was to come.

On April 25, 2002 Lisa was driving a van with nine passengers. She attempted to pass a car when a truck appeared in the oncoming lane, which caused her to lose control of the vehicle. The van hit two trees and rolled several times. The van’s passengers suffered only minor injuries. Lisa died at the scene due to severe head trauma.

Lisa believed that “energy never dies, it just transforms.”  Perhaps she had done what she was meant to do in her current incarnation and so it was time for her to move on, though she was only thirty years old at the time of her death. She left a lasting legacy, not only through her music and her message of female empowerment, but most especially through her foundation which continues to do positive work in the Honduras.

Lisa was a beautiful person who managed to do a lot in a very short time. She is missed but her legacy endures.

 Jesus: A nice guy with powerful abilities who didn’t care much for Roman rule but was cool with lepers

It is my tendency to avoid religious topics, particularly Christianity, like the plague, because they tend to stir up a lot of volatile emotions. I want to make it clear from the start that I do not, nor have I ever, had a problem with Jesus. The world would no doubt be a better place if we all tried to be more like him.

The problem I have is with certain people who call themselves “Christians” but are really using the title as an excuse to behave in horrific, judgmental ways towards others. These people are anything but welcoming and loving towards those who are different from them in any way. They claim justification of their rude actions by calling themselves “Biblical Literalists.” In other words, they interpret everything in the Bible literally–and there is some pretty nasty stuff in there. Some of it is recounting of historical events. In my mind, this means that these people do not want to learn from history, they want to repeat it–again and again and again. This is never a good plan.

Without allowing this to become a discussion of why the King James Bible is the “Reader’s Digest Condensed” version of the supposed word of Jehovah/Yahweh (parts were removed from the original document because some leader or other found them inconvenient–which has much more to do with politics than spirituality) I will say that I have seen very un-Jesuslike behavior more often than not from Fundamentalist Christians. These intolerant individuals will not abide questioning of the scripture, and anyone who dares to question the accepted interpretation of said scripture is obviously a blasphemer. Worse yet, if any person is interpreted in any fashion as “damaged goods,” said person can reckon on enduring persecution from these individuals proclaiming to follow the teachings of someone who embraced those outcast by society.

My friend who uses the screen name “Jumping in Puddles” has been enduring such persecution for a very long time. This woman was horrifically abused in childhood, which has resulted in her psyche fragmenting into many personalities. Some of the abuse had ritualistic components. In her adult years she tried to find solace through Christianity. Much to her dismay, she found religious persecution instead. She had many questions, and indeed, a fair bit of righteous indignation, as she wondered how a benevolent God could have allowed her to be so terribly abused. Instead of embracing this wounded soul, the so-called “Godly” people she turned to only made her feel worse with their inability to accept those who are not exactly like they are, and who cannot march unquestioningly to the same beat as they do. Her blog as a whole bears reading, but this most recent post (including an attack by yet another zealot) sums up what she has been struggling with for quite some time.

Another individual who I fully believe endured religious persecution is my book’s co-author . When I discovered that his father was a priest of the Church of Sweden, it became clear to me why he was so hostile towards Christianity. His father was evidently a very domineering personality, and there was great animosity in the relationship between father and son. It is not for me to say what went on in their home, but I do know that people do not turn so radically against people (or institutions) that show them love and acceptance.

While my experiences were less drastic, I would identify myself as having been the target of religious intolerance. Until I was eighteen years old, I was a devout Catholic. However, for as long as I can remember, I have had psychic experiences, such as precognitive dreams and the ability to communicate with spirits. Whenever I attempted to discuss these experiences, or questioned any of the church’s doctrines, I was told that such things were not of God. I came to believe that I must be evil and, between the ages of fifteen and sixteen dabbled in a sort of half-assed demonology, until I had a scare that quickly turned me away from such practices. Having nowhere to turn, not wanting to conjure up any more frightening entities but realizing that I could never be part of the church that I had grown up with, I began to study the older religions and magick and mysticism as a whole. I do not really fit into any one category, nor do I wish to. I no longer care if people choose to point their fingers and call me a “Satan Worshiper,” but when I was in high school, even though I had fun messing with their minds a bit, it bothered me to be seen as evil–and worse, in some ways I believed that they must be right, although I always tried to best not to do harm to others.

So what wouldn’t Jesus do?

He wouldn’t callously turn away those who most need kindness–people who have been hurt, people with illnesses either physical or psychological, people who are angry as hell because of the persecution they have endured. He would welcome these people. He would break bread with them, not cast them out or, through intolerant words and actions, cause them to cast themselves out. He would treat them with respect and dignity, as he treated the lepers, prostitutes, and other outcasts that he embraced in life.

Shame on those who do evil in the name of one who spent his life doing good. It’s quite obvious that such people did not absorb anything of the teachings of the one whom they supposedly revere.

The shirt says: Jesus, please protect me from your followers.